I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
