Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
