at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
