he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
