Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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