I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
