my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
