i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
