We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
