dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
