Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
