you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
