so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
