And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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