I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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