I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
