I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hippo gnu deer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
