He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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