So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
