I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
