Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
