Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
