how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
