Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
