Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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