talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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