He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
