Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
