i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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