I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
