and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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