I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
