I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
