..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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