there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
