i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
