she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
