he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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