I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
