I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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