i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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