One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
