If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
