This girl is more easily done than said...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize