Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize