Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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