he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
