And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
