at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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