Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
