my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
