im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You are the jesus of drinking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
