Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You are a genius and a whore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
