He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
