Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
