Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize