Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
