he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
