News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
