so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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