We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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