so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
