I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
