Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
