so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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