Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
