Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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