dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
