I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
