is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
