Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize