we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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