I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize