please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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